Graduation – A Mixed Bag
By Laura Snyder
Imagine overhearing a conversation…
JOHN: Hey, Congratulations! I heard you were graduating next month. You must be really excited!
JANE (with low, soft voice): Yeah. I guess so.
JOHN: What’s wrong? You don’t seem too thrilled.
JANE: I guess I’m feeling a bit excited, but I’m also pretty nervous. I’m not sure what I want to do. I’m debating whether to go to the community college or work full-time. It’s just so scary out there right now. Jobs are tough to come by and I’m not sure what I want to do with my life. They make it sound as though I should have it all figured out, but I’m just not there yet. It kind of makes me sad, anxious, upset and excited all at the same time. Does that make me seem weird?
JOHN: No, actually. It seems pretty common. I know I wasn’t sure what to do either. It took me a while before I was able to sort things out. I’ve heard a lot about this. It seems that studies have been done on people and they’ve figured out some ways to help out.
This was posted on the web a couple of months ago:
“I am a high school senior at a boarding school. For some reason, I am terrified of graduating. It feels like losing all your friends. Also, I am afraid to start university / college. I know it’s totally irrational, but I just can't help it. I wake up every morning feeling depressed, and this is ruining my last month with my friends. What can I do to get out of this mood???”
It seems that graduation day doesn’t bring the sense of relief a lot of students expected. Evidently, it’s quite common for people graduating to have a sense of dread. Some students feel nervous and anxious about the unknown and an undecided future. Although they are excited to be finishing school and maybe moving on their own on one level, not knowing what the future brings can be pretty daunting.
Depending on what you’re feeling, there are things you can do to help yourself get through some of the fears, anxieties and thoughts of the unknown.
If you are feeling stressed, remember:
1) Stress isn’t all that bad – stress helps us to get going and do things. So, if you think about stress in a good way, it can work for you, not against you.
2) Figure out what is stressing you out. Knowing what is causing the stress is the first big step in fixing it. It may be something huge like graduating, or it may be some small thing. For the sake of this article though, let’s stick with graduation.
a. Are you worried about getting a job?
b. Are you a little afraid of leaving home for the first time?
c. Are you worried about doing well in college?
d. Are you concerned about making new friends at the new college?
e. Are you afraid you’ll lose all of your friends?
Any one of these can be what is causing your anxiety or stress about graduating.
3) Use stress reduction techniques to help you level off your stress. You may not be able to get rid of the stress completely, but you can make it more manageable. Some of these might include the following:
a. Deep breathing is always something simple you can do. The idea is to take in a long deep breath of air in through your nose (try to take the breath into your abdomen rather than your chest), hold for 2-3 seconds, and then breathe out through your mouth twice as long as it took you to breathe in.
b. Add exercise (about 30 minutes per day) if you haven’t already. It could be something as simple as taking a walk. If you already exercise, it can be helpful to increase the intensity of the workout a bit (just be careful to not overdo it – always consult with your doctor first to check on your health).
c. Go someplace quiet and serene and take time to just appreciate nature. Often a natural setting allows you to feel more relaxed.
d. If you can’t get away to a quiet place, you can always lie down and IMAGINE that you’re there. Think about a relaxing setting (e.g., quiet beach, by a lake, looking at some mountains, watching the sun set or rise…, whatever seems to be calming for you)
e. Try focusing on your toes for ten seconds – imagine that they are becoming heavy and relaxed. Once your toes are relaxed, move up your body, part by part (e.g., feet, ankles, chins, knees, etc.). While doing this exercise, consider your breathing – is it slowing? Is it more relaxed as well?
f. Sometimes it’s helpful to think of a key phrase that is positive for yourself. It should be personal and have meaning for you. For example, if you have trouble with self-esteem, then saying something to yourself that blocks these low thoughts would be great (e.g., “I am strong person,” or, “I am smart,” or, “I have a great personality.”). By repeating it over and over, it will be reinforced in your brain. The old “Fake it ‘til you make it” approach.
g. Make sure to schedule time for yourself! You are really important! And, it’s important for you to give to yourself!
For more information on Stress Relief, here are some articles:
· Schedule Time For You
· Stress Management Basics - How To Reduce Stress, Feel Better and Live Health...
· Healthy Lifestyle Quiz
· Managing Stress - Why Small Steps Work For Managing Stress
· Stress Management Techniques and Tips
If you’re not sure what career to choose, it can be helpful to take some of the career assessment tests (many are free). These can often help you to figure out what direction might fit you best. Most people who take the tests end up with several possibilities, so it might be helpful to consider all of them. Maybe if you find out more about one you hadn’t considered, it will work out for you.
Go to the following possible web sites for free assessments:
Quest Career Services: http://www.questcareer.com/career_assessment_resources.html
Careerpath.com: http://www.careerpath.com/default.aspx?cbRecursionCnt=1&cbsid=e8ef504cc95e4bf4bef037ffc35d26d7-329818992-VM-4&ns_siteid=ns_us_g_career_assessment_tes_
Fun Education: http://www.funeducation.com/
Careercolleges.com: http://www.careercolleges.com/career-assessment-test.jsp
Career Explorer: http://www.careerexplorer.net/aptitude.asp
Colorwize: http://www.colorwize.com/
Live Career: http://www.livecareer.com/
If you’re sad or depressed, there are a number of things you can do to help yourself.
First, consider some of the things listed above to reduce your stress. Sometimes, we get sad or depressed because we are overwhelmed or stressed. By reducing our stress, we can often reduce our sadness.
However, here are some additional things you can do to reduce your sadness or depression:
1) First, please know that it is OK to feel sad. You are not weird or odd. Tons of people feel sad. If it’s causing trouble in your life (e.g., you’re not able to concentrate or enjoy things in life), then it’s probably a good idea to get some help.
2) Make sure you are eating regularly (5 or 6 small meals per day is best, along with plenty of water)
3) Try to get a good night’s sleep. Most of us need 8 hours per night, so if you are getting less than this and are still feeling tired, try to add 30 minutes more for three nights, then another 30 minutes more for three nights, and so on, until you get to 8 hours. (If you’re sleeping more than 8 hours and are still tired, try to reduce sleeping by 30 minutes every three nights.)
4) Try to get regular exercise.
5) Try to spend some time with your friends. Even though you may not want to hang out with them because they are all excited about graduating, this may be a good thing. Listen to what they are excited about.
6) Try helping others. By helping others, we are often able to see how much we already have and how grateful we can be for what we have been given.
These are just a few things you can do to alleviate your stress and reduce your sadness over graduating.
No matter what, always reach out to someone if you’re in trouble, or if you think things aren’t going “right.” If you have a close friend, a relative, a teacher/professor, a person at church, or a person at a community center, please let them know what’s going on with you. Most people will want to help, and will often provide a really good ear for listening, as well as some great advice. It is always good to seek help in a variety of places, and one suggestion is to see a professional when things are challenging. Here are some other sources of help to look at:
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): www.nami.org
Oceans Harbor House: www.oceansharborhouse.org
Ocean Mental Health: www.oceanmentalhealth.org
Preferred Behavioral Health: www.preferredbehavioral.org
Ocean County Family Support Organization: www.OCFSO.org
Again, no matter what, you are not weird or odd – you are on a new, and sometimes scary, journey. But, it is a journey that is often filled with amazing experiences, new ideas, new paths, and new and exciting friendships! Most importantly though, you should be proud of what you have accomplished and appreciate how special you are!